She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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