I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Mom said you looked used
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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