I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize