I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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