She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
