so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
