i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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