I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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