How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
