Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
