you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
