dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
