The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
