Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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