we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
sarcasm needs its own font
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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