Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
