So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
