I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
