what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
