Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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