Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
