I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
