tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
