I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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