first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
