I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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