I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
