is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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