he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Randomize
