The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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