We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
