I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
