24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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