That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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