just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
