So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
