Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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