Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
