he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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