So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
