Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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