Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
