Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
