Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
