Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
