I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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