I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
