I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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