Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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