I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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