ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
