batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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