I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
