do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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