You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
