So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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