I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
