You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
