So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
