Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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