Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
