Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
