And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
