I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
