Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
