You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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