dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
