So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
