there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
