return my video game
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
