Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
