I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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