ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize