I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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