there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
