After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
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I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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