My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Everything about him screamed your future.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
