He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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