Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
