I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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