drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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