the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
