or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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