I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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