well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
